A guide to some of the strange things Mommy and Daddy will say to you. And what they actually mean.
1. "Harney time. Harney, harney, harney!" or any variation of this, including references to The Harney Boys Mystery Hour. This is their way of alerting us that it is time for a walk, which will require the wearing of a harness and leash. This is also their way of amusing each other with obscure cultural references to TV shows starring Shaun Cassidy and Parker Stevenson.
2. "Pank it. Pank that bottom." Basically put, our dog butts are irresistibly cute and should be lightly spanked at every opportunity.
3. "Where's your possy? Get it. Get that possy. Dirty nasty possy." They are advising us to find and subsequently play with our stuffed possum toy. Additionally, this toy is filthy, torn and quite possibly poses some type of biological hazard. If not for the fear of falling apart, a spin in the Maytag would be in order.
4. "Who's that? Is that your Daddeh? Where's Daddeh? Kisses for Daddeh." (Alternate versions of this may also refer to "Mommeh"). Our Human Father or Mother has returned to the home and we are being encouraged to greet them in an appropriately pleased fashion. Should we not exhibit wagging tails and excited licking behaviors, feelings may be hurt. Remaining asleep on the couch is not a wise option.
5. "Goddammit, get your muddy, wet paws off the bed! NOW!" This one is actually pretty self explanatory.
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