Just over 6 months ago, we adopted Tango. Just under a week ago, we sadly and reluctantly returned him to the shelter due to his escalating issues with aggression towards us. This heart-breaking decision was not made lightly, but going back to the shelter meant behavior evaluations, medical tests, and such, at a level that we would not be able to provide. It was his best option for a better future. Even if it was one without us.
Today, we learned that the shelter euthanized him on the day that we brought him back. As they had promised us, they contacted our local Great Pyrenees Rescue to try to obtain some advice on helping Tango from people with expertise in the breed. They reasoned it would take a few days for someone to get back to them, but they were able to speak to someone that day. After hearing the details of Tango's particular behaviors, the rescue stated that they had only ever seen this behavior in one other dog previously. And it had not ended well. The rescue recommended euthanizing him, and the shelter did so.
How can a heart that is already broken, break even further?
This is not the place to talk about my sadness, my guilt, my anger at whatever bad breeding or conditions caused him to be wired wrong in the first place, or the fact that for the rest of my life I will second guess the decision not to keep him, despite knowing it was the right thing to do for the safety of myself, Brian and Lugnut.
This is the place to talk about my love for him.
So, I will simply say rest easy, my sweet boy. I hope whatever bad things were in your head are silent now, and that you are free someplace where you can run in crazy circles through the grass until you flop down exhausted. Where no one ever makes you come inside when you don't want to. Where you can bark all you want, and bellow out that deafening "barooooo" to tell the world every time you see a leaf blow in the wrong direction. Where you can play all day with all the dogs that have gone before and are waiting patiently for their people. Stand guard over them, as I know you want to.
I'm glad that while you were with us you got to know the comfort of lying stretched out full-length on a couch, hind feet waving in the air. That you went to bed every night with a full belly, feeling safe. I'm glad you had a million too many toys, and that I never yelled at you for ripping them up, even when they were brand new. That you had playtime with your brother, Luggy, and "man time" every morning with your daddy. That you got a walk, a treat and a hug, every single day. I'm glad that so many times, you lay with your head (or your entire body) on my lap and fell asleep with my fingers tangled in your fur. That during those times I truly felt you were happy.
Most of all, I'm glad you know that, despite everything, you were loved. Oh, my crazy polar bear, we loved you so so much.
I know we weren't the ones who "broke" you, but, oh. how we would have loved to have been the ones that could fix you...
Until we see each other again, my TT...
Mommy
