So Fluffy. So Evil.

Dear Human Mother,

You may have thought you were adopting a one and a half year old Pyrenees named Tango, but now the truth can be revealed.

I am the ancient demon Tango-Maru, White Wookie of Chaos, Destroyer of Expensive Hand-Made Leather Wallets, Chewer of LP Record Sleeves, and Bringer of Death To True Blood Season II DVD Packaging. With my faithful companion, the tiny black fruit bat / gargoyle hybrid, Luggy-san by my side, I shall roam your household at night, creating havoc, bringing righteousness and order to its knees and chewing stuff what smells good.

Throughout the centuries I have tortured mankind by unleashing my awesome powers of destruction and turmoil. And also by not coming when I'm called.

Weep, puny humans! Weep for your end is near! Weep for Paul Simon's Greatest Hits! (And enjoy your trip to WalMart tonight, because those DVD's weren't even yours.)

Love,
Tango-Maru

(Human Rebuttal...

Dear Ancient Fluffy Wookie Demon Thing,

You suck. And your little fruit bat / troll sidekick who barfed all over the bed this morning? Yeah, not too thrilled with him either.

You ate that wallet the same night your Daddy bought it, right through the pocket of his pants. Do you know how rarely he actually buys something for himself? Do you know many pairs of pants he has that he can now never put change into? And what you did to True Blood Season II has brought shame upon this house. It's a good thing you are cute.

As for Paul Simon's Greatest Hits? Meh... No one really likes Paul Simon anyway.

You are not that tough. I happen to know for a fact that you are afraid of the garbage truck.

So, knock this shit off. Seriously. Because those nightly doggy head massages and brush-me-til-I-fall-asleep sessions? Those will end so fast it will make your fat white Wookie head spin, Mister. Yeah, I will go there.

To sum up - Bad demon. No chew.

Love,
Human Mommy)